The Backwards Law, in Life and Design

"The desire for a positive experience is itself a negative experience. And paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience." — Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**

Alan Watts called it the Backwards Law. The idea that the more you chase after something, the more you reinforce the absence of it. The more intent you are in trying to be happy, the more unhappy you feel. The more you strive for control, the more out of control you realize you are. Wanting a positive experience is, in itself, a kind of negative experience.

When Trying Makes It Worse

“You are perfect just as you are, and you could use a little improvement.” — Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

This shows up all over the world of self-help. So many of us, in trying to improve ourselves, only deepen the feeling that something is wrong with us. We set goals to be more confident, more fulfilled, more centered, more productive… and in doing so, we reinforce the sense that we are not enough as we are.

It’s not that growth is bad. It’s that grasping for it so often comes from fear, not presence. And fear can’t lead us into freedom. It just tricks us into thinking that freedom is always somewhere else, just out of reach, always one more hack or habit away.

But you can’t force your way into peace. You have to make space for it.

Design Has a Similar Problem

Simplicity is about a greater appreciation for things that really matter." — Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

I’ve been sitting with that idea lately and noticing how it shows up not just in the mind, but in the way we build things. Especially in design, and especially in UX.

There’s a quiet humility in good design and a kind of ego in bad design. The paradox is that the more a product tries to prove its value, through flashiness, being overly clever, or overloading on features, the more it distracts from its actual usefulness. And the more it detracts from its potential to delight. 

It’s like a conversation where someone is trying too hard to be liked. You feel it. You sense the pressure. You want to step back.

Let It Be Simple

"Good design is as little design as possible." — Dieter Rams, Ten Principles for Good Design

Design works the same way. When something tries too hard to impress, to convert, or to hold your attention, it often ends up pushing users away. It creates friction even if it’s beautiful. The best digital experiences are often the ones that don’t announce themselves. They simply meet the moment with clarity and care.That kind of design does not demand, it invites.

The best design does not scream at you or beg for validation. It simply works. It gets out of the way. It lets you be.

You might not even notice it, and that’s the point.

Ease Comes From Less

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." — Leonardo da Vinci, widely attributed

Clients will often hear me refer to “distilling” an experience when I’m advising on design or messaging choices. When I audit a digital experience, I’m often looking for what can be removed. Asking myself what can be simplified, what’s getting in the users’ way.

Not because less is always better, but because ease is rarely created by adding more. It’s created by making less effort necessary.

Presence Over Pursuit

"Don’t push the river. It flows by itself." — Fritz Perls, Gestalt therapist, quoted in Gestalt Therapy Verbatim

This is what the backwards law teaches. Just as peace arises when we stop trying to manufacture it, usability emerges when we stop trying to impress the user and actually respect them.

It feels like designing with presence, rather than pursuit.

Design That Feels Like Trust

“People ignore design that ignores people.” — Frank Chimero, The Shape of Design

You can feel the difference. You open an app and it immediately makes sense. You fill out a form and it does not fight you. You search for a thing and you find it.

No grand reveal. No gamification. Just clarity. Just function. Just grace.

And when that happens, the user feels respected. Not managed, nudged, or manipulated. Just given what they came for without having to wrestle for it.

A Shared Wisdom

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” — Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

That, to me, is what good UX shares with good living. Not striving or chasing. Just listening, noticing, and responding.

The more we try to control life’s experience, the more they slip through our fingers.

The more we design experiences with trust, the more the experience can speak for itself.